Relationship readings are my bread and butter work. I’ve literally read for thousands of people, all in various ambiguous states of ‘together’ or ‘recently split’ and I see the patterns. If the spiritual guidance is it’s aligned for them to work things out I don’t even have to ask anymore – I feel it instinctively in my body. Here’s some of honest tough love lessons I have to share from what I’ve seen:
If it’s over, it’s over
I know what it's like when you've been there and you've split and gotten back together and you think 'if he could just….' or 'if I could just…' it would make all the difference. That hanging around period after an argument when you've both walked away thinking it's done but you spend the next week checking your phone for the text message that will make it all ok again. But here's the thing. Emotional ambiguity is the most draining thing to a person. The not knowing is the killer. And from my side, that feeling I have in my bones signals that there's a cosmic conclusiveness that comes in – a tipping point that determines two people are done. And you can try to fight that current all you want, there's a certain degree of freedom we have in this life so that's your prerogative. But texting them in desperation trying to work things out for the fourth time isn't doing you or them any favours, and it's sinking more of your energy into the void.
Yes, but not now
Maybe the person genuinely needs time and it feels like they’re coming back. It’s hard having to tell people that because I personally would rather not see you in ambiguity. But that would be me getting in the way. So I do my job and say what I’m being given and trust you to manage that however you need to. It’s not my place to protect you from your own life.
Yes, but not like that
Maybe the toughest lesson of all. When there is a chance to work through things but it requires genuine change from both sides. If you’re the one in the reading, it likely means you’re the one making all the effort in the relationship. The other person needs to match that. If there’s a reasonable enough chance they will, I get shown a way through. It’s usually not rocket science. It’s the unglamorous and slightly embarrassing work of learning how to communicate openly, skillfully, and respectfully with each other and to actually take responsibility for being safe and reliable partners. Or maybe easier just to ditch them after all.
Soul connections don’t have to be forever connections
In a lot of readings I sense people have a strong bond. I can often feel past life history present – certain ways that they’re supported each other in other lifetimes, and an overall shape of what they’re doing for each other in this life. These are often the people that we feel like we’re meant to be with forever, or that come and go in our lives in really significant ways but are never fully gone and we’re always left wondering ‘if’. From what I often see though is, yes there’s something powerful there, but no that doesn’t mean you’re tied to them for all eternity. Actually what’s more likely is they’re there to show you a lesson which you have the chance to transcend. Once you’ve learned it you don’t need them in that way anymore. That’s actually what frees you from karmic bonds. So my work is often around explaining what the nature of a connection with someone actually is beyond just ‘they feel important so I guess that’s love’.
Trauma bonds
A term from psychology that’s a little misleading but a dynamic that’s at the heart of most of the readings I get. You think you love them but actually they just remind you of a specific way you were hurt in childhood and you’re unconsciously trying to resolve it. That’s what keeps you hooked. It’s not love, it’s wounding.
Attachment patterns
The whole anxious-avoidant attachment style thing is big. Linked to trauma bonds, this is where your guides point me to what went on in childhood, and how it’s impacting how you approach relationships in ways you can’t quite see from the inside. I’m not a therapist so I stay away from clinical language or diagnosing. But I do see the shape of things. Memories sometimes. Opportunities for working through things. And that’s what brings the chance to do things differently next time, and to attract a healthier dynamic.
Emotional Abuse
It’s a tragic thing to witness how much abuse goes on in relationships without people even being aware that it’s happening. But yeah, I see the patterns of manipulation and control all too often, and also where people allow it. We don’t know what we don’t know. That’s why a reading from the outside helps. If you’re in a relationship that’s driving you crazy, where things aren’t making sense, or where you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, you don’t have to be stuck there alone.
If you’d like to work with me I’m here. Book in for a free 15-minute Clarity Call and let’s clear things up.
